Sorry it has been a while (and Mel was the bloke on the last entry) but O to the M to the G have we had some fun on the red carpet.  Obvs I am not going to bother running through a list of gorgeous people looking gorgeous, so instead here are my worst offenders:



Keira - very happy that you are all loved up but butterflies are only acceptable on children and, moreover, that dress shape should be in a bin bag labelled 'bad maternity shit.'


This is possibly the worst outfit ever worn.  If J to the L O and Mariah have taught us one thing (they haven't be the way, they have taught us everything we will ever need to know) it is that you can look sexy and stylish post baby and post 40.  Well it seems Claire did not the memo.  Claire Sweeney offenders me from her cheap Louboutin knock offs to her Lizzie Duke necklace.  I'll give her the mane which is looking pretty fabulous but the dress, holy Jesus Christ the dress. Just shows one more use for that extra large roll of foil left over from xmas.

And finally:


You know how in our heads we all like to pretend we are Kimmy K (I honestly spend most of my life doing this) well Chloe Simms just took that too far.  Far far too far.  Pleather is an unforgiving material at the best of times, but when the camera flash serves to highlight the inrticacies of your belly button, perhaps not the best choice?  Oh and as much as I respect someone for having tits out or legs out not both, but this is everything out.  And it hurts my face.

LEE RYAN NEWS:  I have been loving 'Blue Go Mad in Ibiza' on ITV2.  The basic premise is that the #lads think they are running a bar in Ibiza to make money but it is actually a spoof and they are being set up.  So it is a bit rubbish but it is so nice to see the boys still getting on so well.  They are also all muscly and lovely and we get to hear a lot of acoustic versions of their songs.  Which is nice.And they say bruv, a lot.  You get me bruv?



You will never believe this but, apparently, Kelly Brooks and her on again off again stud mufin David M are, in fact, off again.  I know, I really thought it would work this time. So Kelly has decided to head to the gym to burn off some calories and has now lost 3 inches from around her waist.  Which is really far more important than having a happy personal life or a career.

McDreamy filed for divorce.  Michelle Keegan went to the gym.  Kylie wore a dress.  Amy Childs wore a coat.  Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams have split.  James Arg Argent left rehab and went to Las Vegas.

Obvs the big Kardashian news in recent weeks was THAT picture of Bruce Jenner on the front cover of In Touch Magazine.  The magazine had drawn lipstick on to Jenner and said that he was planning on becoming a woman.  Bitch please, there is a lot more to being a woman than some lipstick.  Anyone the article was both offensive and, probably, wrong.  In other news Kris J was in da house, and by in da house I mean in the UK.  She came, she fluffed some lines (she hilariously said Georgie Shore instead of Geordie Shore - oh how we laughed) and she left.  In other news Khloe is still going to the gym, Kimmy K is finally in her new home and Rob is still keeping out the public eye to concentrate on his sock design business (and weight loss).




So Celebrity Big Brother rumbles on and I, for one, am totally addicted.  Calum Best has arms to die for, Perez Hilton is certifiable, Michellee Visage is the woman I want to be and KATIE PRICE IS IN THERE. I love Katie.  And so far my favourite moment (possible of all time) was when her and some of the girls were discussing men liking a finger up their bottom during sex and someone asked her if that was the case with Alex Reid and she responded, quite classily, "I couldn't put enough up there." #pricey

And finally, who is this: